For the first time in a while, I got up very early. Just couldn't sleep properly, no matter what I did. It is at these times that I really could do with a huge hug of reassurance from someone dear to me in my life, but I guess it is also at these times that one is reminded of the solo journey we all have to travel in our unique lives.
As a London Ambassador for the Olympic Games (mainly meeting, greeting, giving information, flashing my smile and looking pretty!!), since the 23rd of July, I have been seeing my colleagues, who were on the first shifts at the Olympic Stadium and elsewhere, getting on with it in their deft professional way. I wonder if they all felt as I do on the first day they started? They appeared so seasoned and confident.
I have been immersing myself in the Olympics, especially its preparation, on various levels since I became an Ambassador 18 months ago. But today, the very first official day of my own public duties at a very busy station feels awesome, surreal, full of pride. I still have my confidence going at full tilt, but I also feel something else: the realisation of what I have taken on when I was selected. But it is something I wanted to do and am well prepared through my training and naturally positive and vibrant personality. However, that first day of something one has never done before is always a mixture of apprehension, dread, fear, anticipation and excitement all rolled into one.
For me it is even more poignant because I thought my ongoing illness might have prevented me participating, and the experience is unlikely to be repeated in my lifetime. Moreover, the sheer knowledge of being involved at all in something as amazing as this, and on such a spectacular level: something to savour, to celebrate and to share with my grandchildren in the future, is awesome in itself. Perhaps it is that thought, rather than my actual duties, that kept me awake. The gradual realisation that I am a part of history being made on a larger scale, than simply my own local experiences, and life doesn't get more awesome than that!
Well, armed with everything I need, I will be presenting myself for my shift later today. The languages have been studied, the information learnt, and the smile brightened. Paddington Station, here I come, keen and eager, for better or for worse! :o)