People like this are usually negative types who feel very insecure, unloved and undervalued, and who fear taking action because they fear the consequences of those actions, and do nothing instead. They often prefer to feel like a victim because it perhaps get them more sympathy and attention. They feel sorry for themselves for four main reasons:
1. A feeling of impotence to affect their situation. Something has happened which makes them feel overwhelmed or victimised, and they believe they cannot cope, especially if they are dealing with someone whom they perceive to have more power over them, or whom they are trying to impress without success. It is easier for them to stop any personal actions to change the situation by replacing them with feelings of regret, weakness and impotence.
2. They lack confidence and esteem, the most likely reason. It is difficult to feel good about life and ourselves when we have no confidence, no self-belief and a lot of doubt and insecurity. So we would prefer to feel sorry for ourselves because it stops us examining the situation, the options we have and taking any action. It also stops us taking responsibility for ourselves and keeps us in fear and insecurity.
3. They have not been affirmed or reinforced by others they value. Feeling sorry for ourselves gets us the attention we seek while keeping us in victim mode. It also puts all the responsibility and blame for our situation on others and keeps us feeling defenceless, while also getting the continuous attention we crave from them. Hence why it is very tempting for some people to prefer the helpless victim mode.
4. They believe they are insignificant and have no value. We tend to feel sorry for ourselves at these times because we do not know how to improve our situation. Feeling sorry confirms the low opinion we already have and keep us in that negative mode until we are shown some value by the people we care about and whom we perceive to matter. Until then, we simply feel rejected and undervalued.
How many fears do you have that are probably keeping you stuck in a hopeless groove? Try this quiz to find out.
©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2013
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant
"Happiness is a state of being. We are the ones who decide whether we wish to be happy or not, by the script we use inside our heads."