How often have you heard the sad statement, "I've been dumped" by so and so, or you've used it to bemoan the loss of a valued partner? It is a common term used to express regret and perhaps resentment at not being the right person for someone else. But is there such a thing as being 'dumped' by anyone? Let's look at the situation closely.
When people enter our lives it is usually for one of four reasons:
1. To boost our confidence for the next stage of our journey;
2. To teach us something -whether positive or negative;
3. To help us out of a crisis;
4. To be our permanent partners.
Notice how we are likely to meet our soulmates ONLY 25% of the time that we come in contact with potential dates. However, the eagerness to find a partner tends to cloud our vision and judgement so that our expectations are dashed when the person does not conform to them. We then miss the real point of why they were with us in the first place. Yet, because of our ongoing development and evolution, it is difficult for two strangers to live forever and ever, no matter the wish for this to happen or the religious expectations placed upon any union. As we develop from one age to the next we CHANGE in expectations and aspirations, otherwise we would still be thinking like a teenager, with the same needs and desires, when we are 40 or 50!
We are all spiritually connected to each other in some way, so whenever anyone enters our life, it is for a reason. But we are so often judging that person, or burdening them with our expectations, we miss their mission entirely, then feel great disappointment when they fall foul of what we expect. We miss the main point that they are likely to be incompatible with our values, our desires, our needs and our aspirations. They are on their journey of discovery too and have to learn by experimenting and experience. Instead, we try to make them 'fit' our world, or we hope they grow to expectations. Many people, who are not even sure what they are looking for, often find that too difficult to live up to and continue on their way, which is then interpreted as being 'dumped' by the affected party, but there is no such thing as anyone being dumped by another. Relationships simply come to an end when there is not enough between the couple to sustain them, especially if the parties are at different stages of development.
To feel 'dumped' is to assume permanence where none was meant to be. Both partners are on their individual unpredictable journeys which will gradually unfold. Moreover, a feeling of being 'dumped' comes from a lack of self-esteem, and a failure to acknowledge that you were both unsuitable in the first place, or the friendship has come to its natural end; a failure to give thanks for what they brought to your life, and to move on. By feeling 'dumped' you refuse to acknowledge the reality and actually hand over your personal power to someone else to dictate your life. While you are feeling sorry for yourself and what has happened, you could be missing someone else who is even more suitable but would not be attracted to your self-pity or negativity.
Next time you are tempted to feel 'dumped' because someone does not wish to continue with the relationship, stop feeling inadequate and start loving yourself. Give thanks for having the person in your life, wish them well on their way and perhaps grieve for a very short time, if you feel the need to. That's normal. But prepare for the next stage of your journey, hold your head high and shout very loudly: "Next"!
You will feel tremendous for it too.
©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2012
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant
"Happiness is a state of being. We are the ones who decide whether we wish to be happy or not, by the script we use inside our heads."