Nope. That question was asked of me yesterday, and I thought it would make a good talking point especially as some men, to boost their ego, like to think they are good lovers. But as it takes TWO people to kiss and to make love, no one person can ever be good at it for one simple reason.

No matter how good we are at being intimate with someone, if that person does not respond, or responds differently to expected, or lacks similar experience, the actual interaction will be far from good. We get really great intimate encounters when we approach others with an open mind, and when we take the time to know their bodies. That is why many first time sexual encounters are unsatisfying and frustrating experiences because, with so much invested in them, they become performances instead of loving acts, and often end up leaving guys feeling inadequate or disappointed.

When it comes to anything intimate, getting to know that person and their needs is the only thing that improves interaction and satisfaction, and that takes TIME. The trouble is that many new relationships are short lived, so neither party gets the time to really know the other well. Ipso facto, there will be tons of disappointing experiences which adds to the scepticism and fear already there.

I tend to avoid 'good' lovers and 'good kissers' for two reasons. First, they would be imposing their old rigid expectations and experiences with other women on to me. It means they will be making assumptions about me and my needs, burdening our interaction with THEIR opinion of what is good, instead of both of us slowly discovering what is good for us. It wouldn't be a learning process between us, but one person laying down parameters of what he THINKS makes 'good' loving.

Second, if he is that 'good', he has nothing to learn, and doesn't really need me. So he can happily kiss himself!!

©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2012
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant
"Happiness is a state of being. We are the ones who decide whether we wish to be happy or not, by the script we use inside our heads."