Many men have a really bad habit of just looking at pictures and rushing to contact the woman. For them, as long as the visuals are fine they mistakenly believe that all will be well, and rapidly come unstuck soon after. Looks are very important but so are personality, values, emotionality and intellect to a successful relationship. Other men CHOOSE to either ignore what they read in a profile, or to interpret it to suit themselves, believing that they can make a square peg fit a round hole in due course, and with a little bit of effort. But how wrong they can be!
Language is the most important thing in human life. Language defines us: who we are, what we want, what we hope for and how we perceive our world. Through language you can tell whether a person is happy or sad, articulate or semi-illiterate, verbally fluent or restrained. Without language, no one would know how we think, what makes us tick, or what really matters to us. Language is extremely important to our life and development, especially as we know ourselves best. So we ignore the language of others at our peril.
Take a look at the words in these two profiles. Would the two people have anything in common? Would they get on together?
1. "begining to fall to pieces, need to do more exercise, favourite pass time sitting in my armchair watching TV, hate adds on freeview,not interested in soaps or so called personalities,dont go out for meals, cant beat the old tim opener and microwave,like M&S frozen dumpling meals, havent been abroad much, tend to go to holiday parks and rlax, dont have many friends just a few aquantences, hate winter just want to stay indoors and try to keep warm, if legs were ok would like to learn to ballroom dance before short term memory goes."
2. "Being a former education manager and now semi-retired writer, I love literature, history, self-help books and current affairs. They teach us so much and provide lots to talk about too! I tend to be very active, especially with the gym (three times weekly), walking every other day, dancing (every week), reading (daily), travelling when I can, and other artsy activities like concerts, theatre, galleries and cinema. I have an impish sense of humour, and great positivity which keep me smiling. :o)"
The first one depicts a guy who is just barely existing, fossilised in time doing nothing and 'falling to pieces'. The second one is mine (I dislike TV!). Do you see myself and this person really getting it together? If he hadn't written that, and had approached me, I might have wasted time emailing and phoning when he is clearly unsuitable.
The Key Function of Profiles
Profiles are not there just for the fun of it. Those who are too arrogant, or lazy, to complete or read them will settle for anything, while getting nothing in the end. For example, if a woman says she desires 'friendship', no amount of wooing will turn it into something else, unless you desire friendship too. People put how they FEEL at the time of writing, and if they are not ready for a relationship, and you are, don't go there! Better to find someone who is seeking what you're seeking too. At least you both start off from the same expectations. After all, mismatched expectations are the biggest killers of relationships.
Try to avoid profiles with no details or personal adverts on them. They tend to be either scammers, attached/married people; people lacking confidence in themselves and prefer to stay 'hidden', and those with very little to say about themselves i:e they're boring and won't be interested in you either! The nearer you can align yourself with people of your kind of articulation and approach, the greater the prospect of a good fit between you.
Resist the temptation to write nothing except, "Ask anything you like!". Bad move. No one can ask the thousands of people on the site anything they wish to know. That would be silly and time consuming. Hence why the profile is important because it gives an initial indication of whether a person MIGHT be suitable, which then narrows the field dramatically to enable more personal contact to take place.
Next time you see a beautiful face, don't rush towards her just because of her pictures. Study her profile too and see whether it is empty, or it is similar to yours. You could be saving yourself some expenses, or even heartache, later down the line.
©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2011
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"