Q. We were together for 3 years it finished about a year ago. We didn't have much contact since then. She was in the pub at the weekend and we got chatting and ended up spending the long weekend together. but I am still not sure how I feel. Any ideas?
A. If you have any doubts at all, please DON'T go there. Your instincts are the most powerful guides to your life. You ignore them at your peril.
If you felt warm and loved and happy, one could say the feelings are right and you should give it a try again and see what happens. After all, we are constantly evolving, and how you were three years ago is not how you are now. You have both moved on emotionally, at least. So there is nothing wrong with exploring possibilities again for a new life together. However, if you spent the weekend in each other's company and it still doesn't feel right for you, leave well alone.
Most important, you must bear in mind why you broke up the last time. Whatever triggered it would not have gone away forever, or changed in any way. It is still lying there dormant ready to make itself known again at an opportune time, unless you have both addressed the causes in the meantime. So it is always best NOT to return to a past relationship. It seldom works. Just enjoy the weekend, appreciate the moment, and carry on with your life. If it didn't work first time round, it won't work this time either, because personalities seldom change, only situations.
Follow your thoughts and instincts, and give this one a miss. If you are not sure, your instincts are trying to tell you something which you are probably ignoring. Put it down to the fact that you were both feeling lonely and wanted some attention and affirmation and leave it at that. It will save you more heartache further down the line.
©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2011
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"