Q. I have actually never tried to make friends after high school and now I just feel I can not even attempt to make friends. I live in a constant delusion of thinking people are evil and going to hurt me. I'm fairly intelligent and so forth but I think I have gone insane or something.
A. You obviously have some emotional fears which only a therapist might be able to dislodge, but it isn't surprising that you find it hard to make friends with such thoughts. First of all, if you go round believing people are evil, you will act like it, which then give off negative vibes that people can feel and they will stay away from you. After all, those pessimistic thoughts do nothing to uplift them so why should they hang around you?
Secondly, not everyone can be evil because you are part of the world you inhabit, and it would mean that you are evil too, which I am sure is not right. Those kind of universal thoughts tend to come from people with high rates of pessimism, low confidence, little trust in others and who feel impotent to act upon their experiences. But we are not all clones of each other. Above all, Nature has given us a BALANCE in everything: good and bad, pleasure and pain, summer and winter. You won't ever find totally one thing or the other in the world.
Third, it is TRUST and SHARING that give us friends. When we do no not trust others, they won't trust us either, which means there will be no connection and nothing to share. You are approaching people with an accusatory perspective instead of a friendly, embracing one. There is nothing nice and wholesome to share with you and so they would avoid you. Everything begins with out thoughts and if we are thinking only awful things, and awful life is all we will have.
It sounds like you were hurt at some point and are using that hurt to judge everyone. But you are unique and so is everyone else. If you do not treat others as individuals but lump them all altogether to feed your fears, you are denying them their individuality. No two people are the same, so ditch the pain and hurt you are feeling, accept that both good and bad things happen in our lives each day and put it behind you. That's how we all develop, by learning to accept and deal with the good and bad in life. When we are stuck back there in negativity we completely miss the present and the good things that life has to offer. Learn to take an interest in others, to get to know them before you judge them, and people will be drawn to you too.
Remember, you can only attract love with love, not love with evil. The two just don't go together. So you are not insane, you are just nursing some hurtful past which you are blaming on everyone else you meet. Stop the blame and the evil thoughts because you cannot get positive things from negativity. Stop the self focus too and start noticing the people in your world. Give them the chance to get to know you and you might be surprised what happens next.
You need to work on your confidence and perhaps confidence-guide.com might be of some value.
©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2011
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"