When a couple gets married it is with the hope that the relationship will last forever. However, all individuals are on an emotional journey. Each is evolving from one aspect of life to another and often the kind of things they seek at 25 when they are married are not those they might want 15 years later when they turn 40. If partners have not kept up with each other, or kept the love alive, the relationship will go into decline, with the husband, most likely, voting with his feet.
There are six sure signs that your husband is not interested in you anymore and they gradually become unmistakable, except that some people, if they are feeling that way too, either fail to notice them or prefer to live in denial and refuse to see them.
First: He spends as little time at home as possible.
Many men like to use the pressure of work as an excuse for not being at home but when there is something exciting to go home for, work will give way to desire more often than not. If one is going home to boredom, nothingness, doom and gloom, blame, no affection or no sex, what's the point in rushing home at all? Many men tend to either become workaholics or use work as an excuse to escape the drabness of their lives and to mask the feelings they no longer experience. That is why it then becomes easier to begin an affair at work without it being noticed initially.
Second: He stops appreciating and complimenting.
When did your husband last pay you a compliment or appreciate something you have done? Once a man starts taking things for granted and stops valuing what his partner does, the writing is on the wall. People become mean with praise when they think the other person does not deserve it, especially where there is resentment and bitterness in place. Once a man begins to believe his partner is undeserving, the interest has clearly gone.
Third: There is a lot of blame and accusations.
This is the biggest tell-tale sign of disinterest in a relationship. Blames take the place of compliments and loving acts. Gradually one party finds that she can do no right, which gets worse if the husband is having an affair too. He will be constantly comparing the two women in his life and the wife will always be found wanting. She won't be able to please him anymore because someone is already doing that, hence she becomes a scapegoat instead, primarily to ease his guilt and discomfort!
Fourth: Most activities between the couple stops.
When last were you wined and dined? Taken for a romantic weekend together? Did anything exciting to affirm the love between you? This key aspect is one of the first to stop when the husband has lost interest. He no longer finds it exciting or enjoyable doing anything with his wife and so the excuses begin. In the heady days of courtship people cannot bear to be apart from each other, they want to spend as much time together as possible, to share times and activities. If that has stopped, that's a very bad sign of interest on the wane. It could be that he is already doing those activities with someone else too.
Fifth: Communication gradually dries up.
When people cease to be interested in one another one of the worst tasks is to talk to each other. They find that really difficult because there is nothing they really want to say which is positive or endearing. They stop seeing eye to eye, which turns everything into a conflict, and they cease to enjoy connecting with one another. When men have lost interest in their wives they become perfunctory in conversation, which becomes functional than enhancing. Conversing loses its excitement and purpose so there is as little of it as possible.
Sixth: Affection and sex disappear.
This is the biggest tell-tale sign of a husband not desiring his partner. There is very little affection and virtually no sex. Once again, if a wife wants to tell the difference, she only has to think back to the courtship days. Sexual activities might decline somewhat as people live together longer, but affection usually increases as the relationship becomes more deep. It doesn't get less because people tend to grow towards each other in even more loving ways, once they are living together. If there is hardly any affection and even less sex, especially if the wife desires it and isn't getting much, then the husband is in avoidance. It will be a matter of time before he seeks it elsewhere.
A relationship consists of four essential things: loving, affirming, conversing and sharing. When they are no longer there, especially when a husband stops doing them, he clearly has lost interest.
Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH)
Emotional Health Adviser
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"