Do Online Relationships Really Last?

Q. If your relationship/marriage was made online, there's a one in three chance that you will be sitting in front of a marriage counsellor, say experts. Psychiatrists have recorded an increase in the number of couples, who met in cyberspace, seeking counselling. Online profiles and personalities often mask the person's real identity, which, say experts, is the main reason for the breakdown of relationships. They say that people who interact over the Net normally have a very independent way of thinking and cannot, at times, shoulder the responsibilities that come with relationships. Your opinion?

A. There is no reason why online relationships should not last. Meeting someone online is just one other optional way of finding a partner: like going to the pub, to clubs, to church or wherever we feel comfortable to make ourselves visible. The reason why there is so much distrust around it is that, like anything new, until people really feel confident about it, until it has worked for them, and until they can see the benefits for themselves, they will always be sceptical. Then there is the fear factor that it might not work and something might go horribly wrong. But that is life: good and bad, pleasure annd pain, we have to accept it. Another thing is that people expect to immediately like everyone they meet on the Internet because of the ease of coming together. But liking a profile and picture does not mean liking the person in reality. That takes time to evolve and depends heavily on mutual chemistry

Personally, I have heard of many people finding happiness online and settling down and getting married. That does not surprise me because the only uncomfortable part about online dating are those first awkward moments before the couple actually meet. But once they meet and get to know each other, it is like any other form of dating. Nothing is different. Yes, people's identity and intentions are often masked, but those are the kind of people who would have been crap at a relationship anyway in person, and so the Internet comes in handy to carry on in the same vein and behave badly. Most people on the Net are 'normal' people, seeking happiness and friendship, hoping to meet others of similar motives. It can be painful for them when they meet someone who perhaps isn't that sincere. But, like everything else, we have to learn in life and soon one begins to know the time wasters and avoid them.

As a woman, I prefer the Internet for dating. I can do it from the privacy of my home without anyone else knowing my business; I don't even have to leave my study to go anywhere. It means I can control the type of person I actually meet; I do not have to hang out in bars or pubs as a single woman to seek anyone and, at the press of a button, I can either allow that person into my life or reject his attentions. I also take a while to get to know them on the phone before we meet. I never meet if it doesn't feel right, and will only have a second date if I am very happy and there's lots of chemistry, which hasn't happened a lot! In the process I have dated some great people and met someone I called the love of my life, with nearly three years of amazing bliss. Like anywhere else, the Internet is what we make of it. If we expect problems and negative behaviour, that is all we will attract to us. If we expect kindness and love, that is all we will attract too. I treat people with courtesy, honesty and firmness, wherever I am, whether on the Internet or in my home town. And guess what? They treat me exactly the same too.

As to having a one in three chance of failure, normal marriages in Britain now have a one in TWO chance, which is worse than the Internet rate! So the Internet cannot be blamed for anything once people meet. Often it is too many unrealistic expectations, a desire for perfection, taking a partner for granted and sheer selfishness that kill relationships.

So I have no complaints at all about online dating. It has certainly worked for me.

©Elaine Sihera (Ms Cyprah)
Emotional Health Adviser
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"

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