Today we have more people searching for new partners than ever before with even more stories of them failing to find the right ones, without anyone really appreciating why the constant mismatch goes on. Obviously we can all point to various reasons why two people do not hit it off at the beginning, but I have been doing some quiet research on what people put into their online profiles regarding their search for soulmates and have come up with a fascinating answer for the lack of success in this regard.
Men and women advertise their needs and desires erroneously thinking they are speaking the same language of love, but they are not. They speak conflicting languages of expectation which often get lost in translation. Women are inclined to believe that men are seeking the same things as they are: romance, love and the usual trimmings. That is not quite the case with many men who are more practical and less emotional in their desires. In fact, men appear to be seeking two things in a partner which women seldom mention: understanding and an activity mate. It is NOT the same as seeking love. In fact, where the word 'love' comes as varying levels of a check box, men very rarely put that they are 'Extremely loving, or very loving'. Often they put 'quite loving' or nothing at all.
Men seem to have a deep-seated need to be 'understood', and it comes out as a consistent priority on their profiles. Whereas women have this need to be romanced and loved, with as much affection as possible. A man might say that loving is part and parcel of being understood and sharing activities, but that misses the vital point of coming together - to be loved and wanted in an emotional way. Many men appear to be seeking an activity partner who just might bring some love with her, because they constantly mention how they want a companion to share the various fun activities they like to enjoy. Many women, on the other hand, are seeking a very loving and romantic man who might wish to do some things together. The two perspectives are really not the same! They carry a major difference in expectations within them.
Conflicting Gender Speak
Often women simply want someone to love them; one they can love in return, who makes them feel valued and with whom they can do whatever they please when the moment arises. Activities are not essential in this oasis of love and desire. If they never go away for a weekend, for example, it doesn't really matter, so long as the man is there for them. Whereas, 'activity' people are simply seeking company for their activities with a little love thrown in, if they can get it. The emphasis is in going away and doing things regularly. Not just staying at home to be loved! If they can be 'understood' too, that's a great bonus as well! That is also why many men select 'being energetic' as a vital requirement in their partner, whereas far fewer women state that attribute in their choice of soulmates.
Apart from seeking perfection in potential partners, the gender view of the whole dating process is an important factor for failure, yet has not really been examined and explored in enough depth. One only has to look at the words used by men and women to realise that expectations clearly go along gender lines which then creates a problem in interpretation. For example, while women tend to be more emotional in expression, stressing personality and idealistic characteristics, men tend to be more physical, particularly requiring definite types in height, build and hair. This difference in language also ensures that what one party thought would clarify and define their desires merely obscures it in conflicting gender speak for the other. It also keeps the genders from appreciating the needs of each other.